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10 Comments
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Ahmed Kamal Zaki
Ahmed Kamal Zaki
1 year ago

A good story in general.. its ideas are fluid, the narration is excellent, as is the dialogue too… but I think that the description needed some attention.. especially the description of people such as Valencia (the heroine of the story and the central character in it), and Ace, the young mathematics teacher (who was later killed)… and finally Greg who is representing the example of evil and hatred in the story.. and the killing process was needed technical justification because a beating with a bottle to the head does not lead to killing easily…
But as I said in general the story is beautiful and the narration is distinct and the dialogue is coherent.

1
Syed Sharjeel Askari
Syed Sharjeel Askari
1 year ago

This story starts politely and later the the emotion events follow

1
widad Akram
widad Akram
1 year ago

Good story

1
John Ador
John Ador
1 year ago

The story has a sequence of a movie, a script-like plot. A very touching and descriptive story. If you rewrite it making it a novel:- Either first person or a narrative telling-style, it can make a good movie out of it in future by the way.

2
Hillary Ogudu
Hillary Ogudu
1 year ago

WWow what a wonderful story

1
Chryskim
Chryskim
1 year ago

You are such a good writer

1
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  • ABUSED
ABUSED
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Imemesi oghenewoma
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Grade: B - Standard 48 members reading

PROLOGUE

This is a short story based on frequent abuse of a black girl by her tutor. Being really different to her step siblings she finds it hard to blend in as they treated her differently,but for the sake of her mother she tries to adjust to her new home.Against her wish, she began a private lesson with her math tutor as her grades in mathematics were not pleasing to her mum. Valencia ends up killing her math tutor as she could no longer keep up with the situation on ground. she is sentenced to 10 years in jail without being allowed to say her own side of the story cause she wasn’t only scared of what her step brother would do to her but also a stigma she would never be able to get over with in public.

 

A short story – Abused at Penpee.com
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10 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ahmed Kamal Zaki
Ahmed Kamal Zaki
1 year ago

A good story in general.. its ideas are fluid, the narration is excellent, as is the dialogue too… but I think that the description needed some attention.. especially the description of people such as Valencia (the heroine of the story and the central character in it), and Ace, the young mathematics teacher (who was later killed)… and finally Greg who is representing the example of evil and hatred in the story.. and the killing process was needed technical justification because a beating with a bottle to the head does not lead to killing easily…
But as I said in general the story is beautiful and the narration is distinct and the dialogue is coherent.

1
Syed Sharjeel Askari
Syed Sharjeel Askari
1 year ago

This story starts politely and later the the emotion events follow

1
widad Akram
widad Akram
1 year ago

Good story

1
John Ador
John Ador
1 year ago

The story has a sequence of a movie, a script-like plot. A very touching and descriptive story. If you rewrite it making it a novel:- Either first person or a narrative telling-style, it can make a good movie out of it in future by the way.

2
Hillary Ogudu
Hillary Ogudu
1 year ago

WWow what a wonderful story

1
Chryskim
Chryskim
1 year ago

You are such a good writer

1

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